I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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