The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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