I puked a lego.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
