He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
