Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
