White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
be right there i have to get my cape
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
