i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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