Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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