I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
