Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
