I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize