i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize