she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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