thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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