I haven't been this sober since birth.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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