What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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