there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
