i think i have herpe
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.