Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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