Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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