i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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