So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
