I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
