I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize