omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.