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Already got asked if we're dating
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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