I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard