omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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