Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
