Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
