White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i think my cat just said my name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
