Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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