just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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