It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
