oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
