also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
