Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Barsexuality is the new black.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
