I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize