About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
