I wannas sexs uuuuu
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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