So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
