So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.