Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
