it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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