if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
