i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
