another moral hangover. fuck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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