I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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