the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
