I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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