if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
