Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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