If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
