You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
