remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
