Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
