I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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