you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
