I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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