chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
