I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
