I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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