im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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