I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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