I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
