Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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