Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
