I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
